One Hundred and Seventy Five

I’m reading about Sylvia Plath, which I usually avoid doing because she’s an icon, and most icons don’t stand up well to scrutiny.  Doubly an icon in Plath’s case, for feminists and for the suicidal.  And we’re all suicidal now. 

I read Alvarez’ book about her years ago, when I was considering suicide myself, before I decided it would be pointless because I'm already dead in every way that matters.

I read his book because the reviews said it was about more than Plath’s suicide.  And it was.  It was more about Alvarez’s suicide attempt than Plath’s suicide.   

He depicted himself as the brave hero who met the savage god and lived, unlike poor sad Plath.  He was telling yet another version of the legend of poor sad Plath, victim of men.

The article I'm reading now is about Plath’s and Hughes’ marriage, which it depicts as an idyllic partnership of two talented and charismatic people.  The shock of his betrayal is therefore doubly great.  But the shock of her suicide is even greater.  How could this extraordinary woman be incapable of living without a man?  Hughes turned out not to be the person he seemed, but neither was she.

They were both actors, as are we all.  Bad actors fall in love with their roles, forgetting who they really are (if they ever knew) and are crushed when the curtain falls.  Plath and Hughes seem to have been in love not with each other, nor with themselves, but with an image of themselves as the perfect couple. 

After Plath’s suicide, Hughes claimed they had been about to reconcile.  A few more days would have made all the difference.  I think he was trying, like Alvarez, to rewrite Plath's story with himself as its hero.

A few weeks ago Justin telephoned and announced triumphantly that he and his wife had reconciled.  Then, a few days later, he called again and said Tatiana had gone home to Ukraine, and he hadn’t heard from her since.  Her family say they don’t know where she is.

He’s been telephoning me every day since then, and we talk for hours.  I keep telling him to contact his stepdaughter.  If anyone knows where Tatiana is, it’s her daughter.

But don’t just telephone her, I tell him.  Fly to the USA and speak to Natalia in person.  That will show her he's sincere.

Tatiana is probably with her daughter.  I keep telling him what he should say to her if she is, and what he should say to Natalia if she isn’t.

Justin keeps saying he will remind Tatiana of all the things he’s bought for her, and how much she owes him.  I grit my teeth and tell him to just tell her how much he loves her.

I think Justin loves the idea of being married more than he loves his wife; and poor sad Tatiana, deserted by her first husband, has taken her revenge by deserting her second.