Tuesday, July 9, 2019

One Hundred and Ninety One

Do I want to die?  Certainly I don’t want to live.

I’ve stayed alive this long because I haven't let myself want anything.  If I let myself remember why I used to want to live, I’d remember why I now want to die, and I’d try again to kill myself. 

I don’t want to live, but a part of me still does, and I feel sorry for that part.  I think of it as a wounded animal that doesn’t know its wound is fatal.  My mind knows the wound is fatal, but my body doesn't.

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